There are times when I asked myself why are things happening the way they do. Like if this is actually part of my life journey or a punishment for something I've done in my past life. At times the miseries can be too much to handle. Sitting down alone, thinking about things that doesn't seem to fit any of the pieces, leaving you broken even more inside. Alone, like you've never been alone before. Breaking down like there is no soothing remedy to help calm it down.

I don't understand how people enjoy shunning one another. I don't understand how you find joy in making people find themselves in a corner where you keep pushing them further and further to their very limits. Is your motive in life, to be a crusher? I wonder..

I've always regretted the day I thought you were different, and you could be a different person than who I thought you were, I decided to give it a go. I was wrong all these while. I've always regretted that day. You are who you are, and you'll always be that person regardless how many years down the road. They say a leopard doesn't change it's spots, same goes for you.. The shunner. You shun people, you crush them in front of others, whatever your motives and intentions even if they are "good" in your opinion, they're all in the wrong methods. Because you're keeping me away from you every single day. It was a mistake to even think that you might be different if I treat you differently. I don't even know how that thought even came about, like I know you aren't that different than who I know you to be, but I was that foolish to believe in second chances. I've always been a foolish in this aspect. But one thing pulled me back in, love. And this is when I feel that I should really use the brain more than the heart. Because, it's love that it's hurting me and putting me in such a position. Because love is what made me thought - hey you deserve a second chance in my heart. However, I'm wrong, terribly wrong.

Some day I'll learn that not everyone deserves a second chance.. Some day. Some day I'll learn that people do things for their own good, because people are selfish in their own ways. And with that one day, I hope I'll leave, and when I do, I leave for good. First, I've got to build that wall once again. Once my wall of ignorance towards you have been built, as sturdy as the Great Wall of China, or even my own bedroom wall, I'm sure I won't feel this hurtful feeling anymore. Wounds heal, memories fade, and as for now, we'll wait. 

Good night and have a Merry Christmas!

With love. xx